Settling In

So I guess blogging hasn't been a large part of my life's new routine to date!

What is, however, part of the new routine is spending oodles of time soaking in the fun of living with and learning alongside my husband and children. With great sincerity, I can say that I am thrilled with the decision that my husband and I made for me to discontinue my work outside the home so that I could fully invest in my family. So far, no regrets.

What a full summer it has been to date! Who knew it could be so rewarding to grab notebooks, take the kids outside to the backyard, each grab a leaf/flower/bug, and then sketch to our hearts content? Does anyone else get a total kick out of combining dance parties with training a 5-year-old how to vacuum the kitchen? How many women get the satisfaction of being what they used to dream about being when they grew up? I am so blessed. Truly.

I've learned a couple things in recent months. (Mental note: accelerate learning curve so that more than two things are learned in 4 months' time.)
1) I'm not very effective without a schedule and goals sitting in front of me everyday. If it's not written down, it's likely not going to get done. That's just me. I am good at wasting time if I'm not careful. Funny how the hours of the day get used up with unnecessary things if I am not intentionally filling them with the things I say are important to me. Which actually are important to me. Really. I just get lazy sometimes.
2) I have taken my husband for granted too often. Now that I'm not running quite so ragged myself, I see what a delicate balancing act he performs as he provides for our family, intentionally cultivates his relationships with myself and the kids, develops his own gifts and abilities, and serves others selflessly. I know now that husbands shoulder a bigger responsibility than us wives give them credit for sometimes, and I am humbled to see my man serving God, me, and others with a grace and sincerity that deserves my honor and respect.

So, one day at a time, I'm seeking to be faithful in the little things, have eyes that wonder joyously at the beauty around me, and at the end of the day, give unrestrained thanks to God for his mercies that are new every morning. And today I'm giving thanks for my daily schedule on the clipboard on the counter and for my husband who is hundreds of miles away and esteemed very highly in my heart.

A New Chapter

She stepped somewhat hesitatingly at first down the concrete sidewalk, glancing back at the brick building where she had spent 40 hours a week for the last 6 years. Without her laptop bag on her shoulder, she had the unsettling feeling that she was missing something. Handing over her company badge and keys had felt so odd, like being kicked out of the clubhouse. It didn’t matter that leaving was her own idea and that her co-workers pleaded with her not to go.

But after those first few faltering steps down the walkway, she gained a new focus, a new purpose and walked resolutely to the minivan that had transported her to this place every day. Excitement bubbled up inside her as she traversed the miles separating her former “career” with her new one. Upon arrival, she opened the door and announced, “I’m home – for good!”

This is my story. Today I find myself beginning a new chapter in my life’s story as a wife and mother whose focus is fully on her home.

You know those yearly school record books that your mother might have kept about you when you were growing up? “This year Sarah is 8 years old and in 3rd grade. Her favorite color is blue, her best friend is Katie, and when she grows up she wants to be a ______.” Whenever my mother asked me to fill in the blank on that last question, I recall writing one of two answers consistently each year. Teacher and Mother. Those were the two roles I wanted to play when I grew up. I had a great mom and several amazing teachers, which made me want to follow in their footsteps. Though I’ve already been both teacher and mother, now I get to jump in with both feet!

Don’t worry, I am not persuaded that all will be a bed of roses now that my husband and I have chosen for me to focus my energies on our family, our home, our ministry. In fact, I know that my days will likely become even more difficult, with more competing pressures and many new challenges to face. But the amazing thing about listening to the Spirit of God when He guides you, is knowing that the best, most rewarding, most thrilling place to be is walking in obedience to God and depending on Him. He is writing my story and He is writing yours. How humbling that he chooses to walk along side us and give purpose and adventure to our stories, as we put His kingdom first!

I long for the story that I am woven into to point to the Savior, and the character development in this character to be unmistakable. So bring on the new chapter!

Counting the cost

In my extended family, we choose to simplify Christmas gift buying for the adults by picking names out of a hat, so to speak, to figure out which family member we get to buy a gift for that year. Then each family member sends out a wish list, so that their mystery shopper has ideas of what to buy them. On Christmas Day, we have great fun guessing who bought gifts for each person. Well, a couple of years ago, I was given my brother’s name as the person to buy for. Among other items on his wish list that year, he noted that he would like a biography of a Christian “from sometime somewhere.” With those guidelines, I shopped on Amazon and found the autobiography “The Heavenly Man: The Remarkable True Story of Chinese Christian Brother Yun” by Brother Yun and Paul Hattaway. My brother was appreciative of the book and later told me how it shaped him in a profound way. Being the busy working mother that I was, I did not immediately borrow the book to read it for myself.

Fast forward 7 months, and that same brother got married to my lovely sister-in-law. He gifted his groomsmen, one of whom was my husband, with a copy of this book. Another 7 months later, I carved out time to add it to the pile of “to-read” books on my night stand. I am so glad that I did!

Brother Yun is a humble and “ordinary” Chinese man who was accosted by Jesus and dedicated his life to sharing Jesus with others, regardless of what personal loss he experienced. He was imprisoned, beaten, and slandered. The suffering described in the pages of this book made me not want to keep going at times. It was too hard, too raw. And yet, the stories of miraculous deliverance and divine encouragement made me want to see what else God would do through such a life, a simple life dedicated to obeying Him, no matter the cost.

What do I consider to be “suffering”? Having a stomach bug go through the whole family at once? Being snubbed by someone I love? Standing by a friend and watching her marriage crumble? My idea of suffering is pitiful compared to what many disciples of Jesus all over the world are facing today. I am ashamed, really. When my comfort becomes my god, my God cannot be my comfort.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.” (2 Corinthians 1:1-11)

I am committed to deepening my dependence on God over the coming months, being ready to follow where He leads me, and planning to suffer, truly suffer, for His sake. I am trembling as I write this, because I know my faith will be tested. Oh God, help me!

Love of Books: Friend or Foe

“Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.” (Ecclesiastes 12:12b) Oh, Solomon, how wise you are! I enjoy reading a handful of blogs these days that encourage me as a Jesus-lover, mom, wife, friend. Even better, I love to read real books with actual paper pages. I currently have about 13 books on my night side table in various stages of completion. Since my childhood, reading has been an enjoyment and passion of mine as part of being a thinking, feeling, dreaming, living person. Fast forward to recent years in my having-three-young-children-and-juggling-full-time-work stage, I spend significantly less time reading. Thankfully one of my intentional new life habits (known to others as new year’s resolutions) was to allow myself to reawaken the part of me that reads and thinks and dreams. And yet, there are different kinds of reading, aren't there? I can read for enrichment and pleasure, and I can read to gain information. I must admit, there can be a weariness in trying to soak in all the information at my fingertips. I was recently researching a topic that I had a strong personal interest in. I was eager to read what others who have gone before me had learned. I enjoyed finding books and blogs to satisfy my curiosity and “need” for information. But all the reading also exhausted me. Have you been there? Thrilled with the excitement of the chase of knowledge, and then plummeting into the numbing depths of a knowledge overload coma. In the midst of my search for information, I had to step back for a while and just live and let God speak to me for a time. His presence and words do not exhaust me. They energize me. There comes a point when more information is not what I need. What I need is more relationship, more living, more being. Take a deep breath, and today, no matter what you read, live!