Counting the cost

In my extended family, we choose to simplify Christmas gift buying for the adults by picking names out of a hat, so to speak, to figure out which family member we get to buy a gift for that year. Then each family member sends out a wish list, so that their mystery shopper has ideas of what to buy them. On Christmas Day, we have great fun guessing who bought gifts for each person. Well, a couple of years ago, I was given my brother’s name as the person to buy for. Among other items on his wish list that year, he noted that he would like a biography of a Christian “from sometime somewhere.” With those guidelines, I shopped on Amazon and found the autobiography “The Heavenly Man: The Remarkable True Story of Chinese Christian Brother Yun” by Brother Yun and Paul Hattaway. My brother was appreciative of the book and later told me how it shaped him in a profound way. Being the busy working mother that I was, I did not immediately borrow the book to read it for myself.

Fast forward 7 months, and that same brother got married to my lovely sister-in-law. He gifted his groomsmen, one of whom was my husband, with a copy of this book. Another 7 months later, I carved out time to add it to the pile of “to-read” books on my night stand. I am so glad that I did!

Brother Yun is a humble and “ordinary” Chinese man who was accosted by Jesus and dedicated his life to sharing Jesus with others, regardless of what personal loss he experienced. He was imprisoned, beaten, and slandered. The suffering described in the pages of this book made me not want to keep going at times. It was too hard, too raw. And yet, the stories of miraculous deliverance and divine encouragement made me want to see what else God would do through such a life, a simple life dedicated to obeying Him, no matter the cost.

What do I consider to be “suffering”? Having a stomach bug go through the whole family at once? Being snubbed by someone I love? Standing by a friend and watching her marriage crumble? My idea of suffering is pitiful compared to what many disciples of Jesus all over the world are facing today. I am ashamed, really. When my comfort becomes my god, my God cannot be my comfort.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.” (2 Corinthians 1:1-11)

I am committed to deepening my dependence on God over the coming months, being ready to follow where He leads me, and planning to suffer, truly suffer, for His sake. I am trembling as I write this, because I know my faith will be tested. Oh God, help me!